Monthly Archives: January 2010

Hatebeak

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A few months back, we blogged about Caninus, the world’s only (to our knowledge) death metal band featuring dogs on lead vocals. Well, in the interest of giving equal time, we guess it’s time to acknowledge that when it comes to replacing the feeble vocal chords of humans in the death metal scene, Caninus is not alone. There’s also a death metal band fronted by a parrot. We couldn’t make this shit up if we tried, people!

Amazingly, Hatebeak has been around since 2004 and released at least three records, including a split with our old pals Caninus. The band is made up of Blake, Mark and Waldo. We’ll let you guess which one is the parrot.

Much like Caninus, Hatebeak is strictly a studio project, so no live footage or music videos exist. However, several enterprising fans have posted most of the band’s catalog on YouTube at this point. They were signed to a Baltimore hardcore label/store called Reptilian Records, but it literally just closed its storefront today (today! what are the odds?) and although their website declares, “Is Reptilian going under? Hell no!” the link for the band’s page on the Reptilian site doesn’t work. So have Hatebeak squawked their last? We’re not optimistic. Although, we hear parrots live to be like 150, so maybe Waldo can pull a Dave Mustaine and go on to have lasting success with some other project, occasionally squawking bitterly about how shittily Blake and Mark treated him in interviews with Metal Hammer.

Anyway, here’s Hatebeak in action. Kind of arty compared to Caninus, but we’re diggin it.

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Schwarzenator

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Okay, this one really doesn’t require a whole lot of explanation. They’re a metal tribute band to Arnold Schwarzenegger. Any questions? Didn’t think so.

Mostly it’s a bunch of guys you probably never heard of, although they do lay claim to featuring Korn’s Shane “I replaced Head when he found Jesus” Gibson on guitar. Song titles include “Commando,” “End of Days” and my personal favorite, “Conan.” If they haven’t played this on The Tonight Show yet, then I’m sorry—O’Brien deserves to lose his job back to Leno.

Update: Thanks to our ever-vigilant readers, it has been brought to our attention that Schwarzenator are one of at least three Schwarzenegger-themed metal bands in existence. The others, if you’re curious, are ArnoCorps and Austrian Death Machine. We could spend all day debating which one is the best, which one merits a place on the Weird List, etc., etc., blah blah blah. We could even spend all day debating who came up with the idea first: Austrian Death Machine has been around since about 2006, Schwarzenator claim to have been at it since “the early 2000s,” ArnoCorps has been active since at least 2000—again, blah blah blah, what-fucking-ever.  At the end of the day, here’s the thing: Only one band has a video of themselves rockin’ out in matching Conan O’Brien masks, and it’s these guys. As far as we’re concerned, that’s game, set and match.

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Fantomas

Happy friggin New Year! We hope you’re looking forward to our first full year of weird bands as much as we are. We’re gonna next level this shit!

To get 2010 off to a rip-roaring start, we here at TWBITW decided it was time to own up to our big gay man-crush on Mike Patton. Most of you unwashed infidels probably know Patton mainly as the lead vocalist of Faith No More, but really, that was kind of just his pay-the-bills side gig to support the other, really out-there shit he was more into all along. That includes everything from his other best-known gig, a metal/jazz/Zappa/prog/ska/funk/spazz/whatthefuckisthisshit band called Mr. Bungle, to a collaboration with avant-jazz skronk king John Zorn called Hemophiliac, to a more recent “pop” (read: funky electro-rap-metal with semi-decipherable lyrics) project called Peeping Tom whose biggest claim to fame was probably getting Norah Jones to sing “motherfucker.”

Any one of those projects is probably worthy of TWBITW status, but the one that really does it for us is an experimental metal band called Fantomas. Started in the late ’90s, the band features Patton, Slayer drummer Dave Lombardo, Melvins guitarist Buzz Osborne and Mr. Bungle bassist Trevor Dunn–and yes, the noise they make is every bit as weird as the sum of its parts. We saw them at Coachella a few years back and they seriously emptied out an entire tent in about 15 minutes. Even the hardcore Patton fans couldn’t hang with some of the shit these guys do.

So here’s a little Fantomas clip to usher in the New Year. Good reminder of our top resolution of 2010: always wear ear plugs to the show. (Give it until about the one minute mark…trust us, it’s totally worth it. Well, we think it is.)

[TWBITW fun fact: Patton is so famous for his demented vocals that he was hired to do the voices of the post-apocalyptic monsters in the movie “I Am Legend.” We’re guessing the sound effects guys tweaked his vocals a little in the final cut, but probably not by much.]

[TWBITW bonus video: Another of Patton’s zillion projects, Moonchild, is another collaboration with John Zorn that mainly features Patton’s vocal acrobatics. We found this video of a Moonchild live gig that was too awesome not to share for several reasons: 1.) the fantastic title, courtesy of the Patton hater who posted it; 2.) the fact that yes, Patton is reading his part from a score (Zorn composed the whole piece) and 3.) seriously, can any other human make all those sounds? Love him or hate him, the dude is a virtuoso.]

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