Getting sprayed with fake blood at a GWAR concert is fun and all, but I bet it pales in comparison to getting sprayed with real blood and/or lighter fluid. And both those things are probably strong possibilities at the 4th Annual GWAR-B-Q, an orgy of loud music and roasted flesh hosted by the greatest alien-god-monster metal band in the universe. Too bad it’s happening in Virginia, or I’d totally go. But I’m pretty sure I still have at least two outstanding warrants in that state. Or was it West Virginia? Either way, I’m out.
But if you’re in that part of the world on Saturday, Aug. 17, you should totally fucking go. In addition to GWAR, the lineup features such stellar purveyors of weird metal as Cannabis Corpse (weed-themed death metal), X-Cops (current and former members of GWAR dressed up as, well, cops) and Kung Fu Dykes (uh…this shit). Also on the bill: the less weird but undeniably awesome Corrosion of Conformity, Municipal Waste, Loincloth and one of my personal favorites, muthafuckin’ Pig Destroyer. Shit is gonna go off, y’all.
Oh, and did we mention they’re also gonna be rolling out the very first GWAR-themed beer, Impaled Ale? Somebody save us a case.
Tickets go on sale June 6th at gwarbq.com. Mark your calendars in the blood of your enemies.
By now I assume y’all are familiar with Winny Puhh, our current #1 Weirdest Band in the World and the pride of Estonia. If you’re not familiar, for the love of all that’s holy go watch the video of their failed bid to represent Estonia at this year’s Eurovision Song Contest. We’ll wait.
Did you make it back in one piece? Barely? OK, good. Because I’m about to take what’s left of your senses and assault them even harder with this video for the song “Peetus.”
At first, when someone named Promote Your Product left this clip on our Facebook page, we assumed it was just the work of some jackass spammer, on account them being named Promote Your Product and all. Then, because it was really good, we assumed it was some new official Winny Puhh video. Then we did a little more digging, and now we’re assuming it was just put together by this guy using found footage.
Ultimately we have no idea what the full story is behind the video, because the clip’s creator, Kirill “agale” Pozharsky, writes everything on his YouTube channel in Russian. But who cares? The video is amazing and really captures the spirit of Winny Puhh. Especially towards the end when everything gets super stabby. (Warning: NSFW. Not like Cattle Decapitation NSFW, but close.)
In other Winny Puhh news: There’s now a Facebook campaign to make them Estonia’s 2014 representative at Eurovision. Go like that shit!
Way, way back, when we were just an adorable little rugrat of a blog, we wrote about this crazy cover band from Milwaukee called Beatallica, who combine Beatles and Metallica songs into epic hesher anthems like “All You Need Is Blood” and “The Thing That Should Not Let It Be.” At the time, they had just released their second album, Masterful Mystery Tour, and seemed destined to become the Greatest Cover Band of All Time. Metallica + Beatles? What’s not to love?
Well, four years have passed and, sadly, Beatallica have not replaced this horseshit on the international cover band circuit. And Justice For All, my ass.
However, Beatallica are back with a brand-new album, the awesomely titled Abbey Load. Unlike previous Beatallica albums, which mashed up Beatles and Metallica tunes into original(ish) headbangers, Abbey Load is comprised entirely of Beatles covers done in the style of Metallica, including “Come Together,” “Help!” and the entire side two Abbey Road medley. They do manage to sneak a few Hetfield and co. riffs in there, but compared to previous Beatallica outings, they play this one fairly straight.
If you have a Spotify account, you can stream the whole album below. If you don’t have a Spotify account, you’re shit out of luck. Or you can just go to Amazon and buy the damn thing. Trust us, “Polythene Pam” totally works as a punk/metal rave-up.
You blew it, Estonia. You could’ve given that stupid fucking Eurovision contest its greatest moment since the year monster-rockers Lordi won it for Finland. But no. Instead of sending Winny Puhh, you had throw your nation’s hopes and dreams for pop music domination behind this steaming pile of sentimental horseshit from some chick named Birgit Õigemeel. Why, Estonia, why? You had your chance…and you bleeeewww it!
See, in order to decide who they’re gonna send to Eurovision, Estonia hosts a little music competition of its own called Eesti Laul. Most years it’s basically just Eurovision Lite, with lots of schmaltzy pop singers and cheeseball Eurodisco acts strutting their tired-ass stuff. But this year, Estonia’s most popular…only?…costumed punk/metal band Winny Puhh decided to enter the contest and…well, just watch:
I mean, c’mon. Tell me this insanity wouldn’t have kicked ass at Eurovision. It’s already kicking ass on YouTube…956,000 page views and counting. Think Birgit’s Eesti Laul performance, posted on YouTube the same day, has racked up that many hits? Not even close, brother. Again, I say: Estonia, you totally blew it.
Before this past month, pretty much no one outside the Baltic states had ever even heard of Winny Puhh. But they’ve been weirding it up since long before they decided to suspend their drummers from the ceiling and cover their lead singer in Teen Wolf fur. Somehow, everyone west of Warsaw missed this when it came out:
And we were all really fucking asleep at the keyboard to have missed this shit, from 2009:
But hey, better late than never, right? So we salute you, Winny Puhh! And we hope your brush with Eurovision superstardom gets you across the Atlantic soon. Sooner than that human Ambien tablet Birgit Õigemeel, at least.
I like to make fun of Texas as the land of Dubya and belt buckles the size of license plates, and I don’t intend to give those things up anytime soon. But it’s also the land of Christeene and these guys, so I guess they aren’t all bad.
More proof that Texas isn’t just for gun nuts and cousin-marriers: they seem to have a big ol’ ten-gallon hard-on for Metalachi, the awesome metal mariachi cover band whose praises we have been singing between long swigs of Tecate for some time now. And now Metalachi is gearing up to return the love with a nine-show swing through the Lone Star State. Hide your cheerleaders, Cowboys.
Here are the full dates. By the way, I had no idea you folks out in Lubbock had named a bar in my honor. I hope y’all have plenty of Shiner Bock on hand at all times, cuz you never know when I might drop by for a visit.
WEDNESDAY APRIL 3 – Antone’s, Austin TX
THURSDAY APRIL 4 – Backstage LIVE, San Antonio TX
FRIDAY APRIL 5 – Scoutbar, Houston TX
SATURDAY APRIL 6 – Brewster Street Icehouse, Corpus Christi TX
SUNDAY APRIL 7 – Trees, Dallas TX
WEDNESDAY APRIL 10 – Tricky Falls, El Paso TX
FRIDAY APRIL 12 – Jake’s Backroom, Lubbock TX
SATURDAY APRIL 13 – Clicks, Tyler TX
SUNDAY APRIL 14 – The Lucky Mule, Abilene TX
For those of y’all back here in L.A.: Metalachi will be hosting the third annual Drinko de Mayo party at the Roxy on Friday, May 3rd. Stay tuned for more details on that mess.
Let’s play this out with “Sweet Chayo o’ Mine,” as filmed by yours truly with an iPhone in one hand and a margarita in the other. Watch close and you can spot the moment when I switched hands cuz my arm got tired.
Can somebody explain to me what the fuck is going with France? I thought they all listened to Edith Piaf and Phoenix or some shit, but it turns out those stinky-cheese-eaters are churning out some of the weirdest music on the planet right now. Maybe all that stinky cheese gets you high or something.
Next up in our parade of French freakery: Pryapisme, an experimental prog-metal band…or maybe they’re an experi-metal prog-mental band. See how I did that? Anyway, they’re from some part of France called Clermont-Ferrand and they apparently sometimes play with our reigning Weirdest Band in the World, Igorrr. We don’t know much about them because most of their stuff is in French, but here’s their English bio:
Pryapisme is a band who doesn’t know how to write biography since 2000. After studying ninja, a re-conversion in the cons-expertise of technical equipment for a massive group of automotive, Pryapisme offers an avantgardist rereading of the works of Tolstoy, but with real pieces of pizza inside.
Yep, that’s the whole bio. The French bio is a little longer and contains phrases like “flatulences sonores” and “humour scatologique” so we’re pretty sure it’s not a direct translation. But Andy and I never studied French so we’re not sure. What’s French for “avantgardist”?
Anyway, they’ve apparently been around since 2000, but the only album we’ve been able to find by them is a 2010 joint called Rococo Holocaust. It’s available on Bandcamp and if you’re prone to seizures, I suggest you skip it. Unless you like music that changes genres every 15 seconds. In that case, by all means dive in.
Next month, Pryapisme releases new album called Hyperblast Super Collider. So far they’ve only released two tracks from it, but both are definitely of the strap-in-and-hang-the-fuck-on variety. First up: Their epic, 9-minute, doom-metal/spazz-tronic version of “Night on Bald Mountain.” I cannot wait for someone to upload a Fantasia clip set to this shit. (If you can’t see the Soundcloud player below, click here.)
Next, here’s the video for a song called…save me, copy-paste!…”Un druide est giboyeux lorsqu’il se prend pour un neutrino.” It’s, um, I’m gonna say metalcore ska-funk? I don’t fucking know, dude, just make any epileptics leave the room and watch it.
Hyperblast Super Collider comes out April 1st on Apathia Records. The Pryapisme guys are calling it a “soundtrack to the 8-bit Catpocalypse.” I always knew cats were gonna bring about the end of civilization as we know it.
Oh, did I mention one of the tracks on Hyperblast Super Collider is called “Jon-bon-jon-boutros-boutros-boutros-bovi-miou-miou”?
I fucking love France. Who knew?
Once again you, the people, have crowned a new Weird Band of the Week. That’s how people get crowned, right? By popular vote? It’s what we do here in America at homecoming dances, anyway.
The point is, we posted another Facebook poll, and this band from Mexico called VirginTurtleWhore totally crushed the competition. So how do you say “Congrats” in Spanish? “Congracias”? That doesn’t sound right. I really should have paid closer attention in Spanish class, but I was listening to bands like VirginTurtleWhore.
We actually don’t know all that much about VTW. We know they’re from Puerto Vallarta and seem to have been around since 2005 or so. They describe themselves as experimental death metal. They cite Fantomas as one of their influences, which we’re totally down with. They were once a four-piece but there seem to be five of them now: NioX (vocals), PaSkKal (drums), Doña C’anobhia (bass), The Unk and Pack Man (guitars). There may be a sixth member named Teghsie but there’s just a bunch of question marks next to his or her name on the VirginTurtleWhore Facebook page so we’re not sure if that really counts.
Live, they seem to usually cover their faces, but not always their asses. Or their pendejos. (That means both “dumbass” and “pubic hair” in Spanish, or so we’re told. If UrbanDictionary.com had existed when I took Spanish, I might have actually passed.)
It looks like they released an album in 2009 called Evoluphilia that kinda sounds like a cross between Fantomas, Iwrestledabearonce and maybe something like Enter Shikari, because they throw in the occasional electronic dance elements before getting to the 200 bpm, face-melting shit. You can here some of that stuff here and here. It’s definitely not for pussies.
More recently, they seem to be working on a new album just called Evolution. They’ve released one track from it called “Exxxistencia” that has a kind of amazing video, which you can watch below. Stay with it until you see the headbanging cows. It gets really good after that, trust me. It’s like Discovery Channel After Dark.
So congrats again, VTW! And stay tuned for our next Weird Band Poll. They just keep getting crazier.
Ever since we first heard about them two years ago, we’ve been meaning to get our asses to a Metalachi concert. Not like we haven’t had plenty of chances; they’re a local band and they play L.A. all the fucking time. But somehow, we just never quite made it happen.
Well last night, we finally got our Metalachi cherry popped at El Cid, a combination nightclub/Mexican restaurant that, if they had any sense at all, would make these guys their house band. Because sweet Jesus (pronounced “Hey-Seuss”) does Metalachi put on a show, even to a half-empty room on a Wednesday night. By the time they finished up with an encore of “Ace of Spades,” I did not see one person who wasn’t horns-up and yelling along.
Even if this is the first you’ve ever heard of Metalachi, you can probably guess from the name what they’re about: They’re a mariachi band that plays hard rock and metal covers. No electric guitars, no drums (except one time when Dave Lombardo of Slayer sat in with them), just violin, trumpet, acoustic guitars and vocals.
You might think “Ace of Spades” with no drums and no Marshall stacks would sound pretty weak, but most of Metalachi’s set works surprisingly well because a.) these are great fucking songs and b.) behind the gimmick and corny stage banter (“Come closer! We won’t bite unless you’re a fucking taco!”), these guys are actually kick-ass musicians. The violinist, in particular, one Maximilian “Dirty” Sanchez, can fucking wail.
And yeah, the whole metal-mariachi-band gimmick is pretty great, too. Especially as embodied by the trumpet player, El Cucy, who looks like a refugee from GWARdalajara. Get it? Cuz he’s in a mariachi band and…oh fuck it. Just look at the pictures, for fuck’s sake.
Also: Yes, those are demon skull shinguards. Available at fine metal accessory shops everywhere.
Besides “Ace of Spades,” Metalachi also gave the Tijuana treatment to “Rainbow in the Dark,” “We’re Not Gonna Take It,” “Black Dog,” “Here I Go Again,” “Bark at the Moon,” “Master of Puppets” and “Enter Sandman,” “Every Rose Has Its Thorn,” “Livin’ on a Prayer” and, of course, the Greatest Hard Rock Song of All Time. Which is the subject of our first-ever Weird Band YouTube Video. Apologies for the shaky camera-work, we’re still new at this shit.
So thanks for an excellent night out, Metalachi! We just have one humble suggestion: Add some Van Halen to your set. “Panama,” maybe? “Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Love”? You’re the experts, we’re sure you can find something in the Roth-era catalog that lends itself to a little mariachi magic.
As the girl who had to replace Krysta Cameron on lead vocals for Iwrestledabearonce, Courtney LaPlante has one of the most thankless jobs in all of rock-dom. Months since LaPlante took over screaming/singing duties, IWABO fans still routinely post things like “the new vocalist sings like shit” and “When Krysta’s back????” on the band’s Facebook page. Because, y’know, Iwrestledabearonce is the FIRST BAND EVER IN HISTORY TO REPLACE THEIR LEAD SINGER. And all just because their former lead singer decided to have a baby. What-fucking-ever.
The dude members of IWABO aren’t really helping dampen the Courtney/Krysta controversy, either. Krysta’s still listed as the lead singer on the band’s official website. Cold, guys, cold.
Still, when IWABO announced this week on their Facebook page that they are “currently writing a new album,” LaPlante was the one in the accompanying photo. Presumably this means she’ll be the one singing on the new album, too…but who knows? So long as IWABO fans keep pouring on the haterade and the band doesn’t update their official bio to at least mention her, there’s always a chance she’ll finally just say “Fuck this shit” and walk.
But, if she doesn’t…expect new music from the Krysta-less version of Iwrestledabearonce later this year. And maybe a wacky cover or two.
Meanwhile, those still mourning the departure of Krysta should order a copy of A Beary Scary Movie, IWABO’s feature film debut. Not only does it feature Krysta doing her best scream-queen impersonation, it also boasts a “special appearance by Jake Busey.” Aren’t all appearances by Jake Busey special? Here’s the trailer:
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Humans suck. So it’s no surprise that there’s been an explosion of all-robot bands in recent years. There’s these guys. And these guys. And let’s not forget our old pals Captured! by Robots. Although they do have one human member, so technically they don’t count.
But earlier this month, a new all-robot band emerged that is basically the Terminator T-1000 to everyone else’s R2D2. They’re called Compressorhead and in addition to rocking solid imitations of Motörhead and The Ramones, they’re the first all-robot rock band that actually looks like a rock band. The drummer has four arms and a mohawk. The guitarist headbangs. If they could just smash their instruments, they’d really put all human rockers out a job.
Compressorhead are from Germany and they’ve actually been around for a few years. Early versions of the band featured just the drummer, Stickboy, although he was occasionally accompanied by robot go-go dancers. Am I a weirdo for saying the robodancers are way hotter than actual human dancers? Well, fuck it, I’m saying it anyway.
Stickboy was eventually joined by Fingers, a guitarist with 78 fingers (because shit, why not?) and Bones, a bass player, who only has eight fingers because let’s face it, playing bass is not that hard. Stickboy also has a little mini-Stickboy sidekick who looks kinda like a robot gremlin and just plays the hi-hat. Every drummer should have a mini-sidekick on hi-hat, don’t you think? So they can focus on more serious matters like double kick drums and cymbal crashes and bashing the living shit out of their snare.
Even though they’ve been around since at least 2008, Compressorhead really only started getting major attention earlier this month, when a video of them doing “Ace of Spades” went viral. Since pretty much the entire Internet has seen that clip, here’s another one of them doing “Blitzkrieg Bop.” You probably don’t actually need 78 fingers to play Johnny Ramone’s three chords, but it sure couldn’t hurt.
Starting this past weekend, Compressorhead began playing Australia’s Big Day Out Festival, which began last Friday in Sydney and continues this weekend in Adelaide, Melbourne and Perth. Apparently BDO organizer Ken West is now managing the robots, which has gotta beat managing a crowd of 50,000 sweaty Australians. Here’s a clip of them performing their signature track “Ace of Spades” for a mob of puzzled onlookers. I’m glad to see they gave Bones a little motorized platform so he can wheel around the stage, since apparently none of the robots have working legs yet. I’m sure they’ll all be stage-diving any day now.
So what do you think: Robot bands, good, bad, or a sign of the coming apocalypse? And when is someone gonna put them all on the same bill and call it RoboFest or something equally stupid? I figure it’ll happen by 2014 at the latest. This guy could be the MC.