Don’t look now, but the American media has discovered Babymetal. Just a few weeks after we made them a Weird Band of the Week. Coincidence? You decide. But whatever the reason, Babymetal are suddenly more popular with the journos than Justin Bieber’s jail pics.
First the pseudo-feminist website Jezebel did a little drive-by blurb about Babymetal’s new video “Gimme Choco!!” They called the girls the “world’s best (and probably only) half-pop/half-metal entertainment sensation,” which seems like a bit of stretch. Ever hear of My Chemical Romance, guys? Or, I dunno…the ’80s? But they also described Babymetal’s songs as “insane. And then really catchy. And then insane again.” Which sounds about right, actually. So OK, Jezebel, we’ll give you a pass.
But then USA Today tried to jump on the Babymetal bandwagon and immediately was all like, “Eh, I don’t know about this, guys! Can we get off again now? This music confuses me!”
“Babymetal’s video is the greatest ever — or the worst” reads the USA Today headline, in no way shamelessly trolling for clicks. (For the record, “Gimme Choco!!” is not even the greatest Babymetal video…clearly, this one is. And as we keep pointing out, the worst video of all time remains Brokencyde’s “Freaxxx.” On this point there can be no debate.) And then, in their “Story Highlights” sidebar…because yes, USA Today has “Story Highlights” now, because what kind of asshole actually reads an entire USA Today article?…they write this: “Babymetal is a J-pop/death-metal girl-group trio. Yep, that’s what it is, all right.” Yep, that’s what passes for music journalism nowadays, all right.
Let’s see, who else got in on the Babymetal action this week? Vice’s Noisey music blog. GlobalPost. Huffington Post, which actually has an entire section dedicated to weird news, which we really wanna hate but is actually kind of awesome. How else would I have known to put “Putin butt plug” on my Pinterest “Gift Ideas” board? But I digress.
Anyhow, here’s the video that started this whole thing. Depending on who you believe, the song is either called “Gimme Choco!!”, “Give Me Chocolate!!”, “Gimme Chocolate!!” or possibly “Give Me Choco!!” All I know is that it has two exclamation points at the end. And in the video, they appear to be dancing in front of a giant statue of the Virgin Mary and throwing kawaii metal gang signs. Yep, that’s what happens, all right.
It’s about time someone made an experimental death metal song about the Teletubbies. And VirginTurtleWhore was just the band for the job.
On their new track, “Teletubbies Say Fuck You!”, the Mexican metalheads invite the Teletubbies over to play, then bash them over the head with their Flying V’s and stomp their soft, squishy bodies into paste. At least I assume that’s what happened, although that doesn’t explain the Texas two-step breakdown, so I don’t know. Maybe all they did was party.
Here’s what VTW say about the track on their Bandcamp page:
Turn on the ole’ boob tube and enter the realm of Satan and become his anal bead today! Every time my urethra sings this song it gives me an orgasm which in turn drowns the singer, so tragic really. Sometimes I put the in ear headphones in my bum hole and let the vibrations rattle my rectum until I get diarrhea. If the yellow and red teletubbies have sex is the baby orange?
My friend’s two-year-old says the answer to that last question is definitely “yes,” by the way. He also asked what a urethra was, but I just told him it was none of his goddamned business.
Anyhow, enough talk. Let’s rock. Oh and if you want to download the track: I’m pretty sure the market value of a song this good is at least half a million dollars. But you can name your price, you cheap bastard.
With their whole Mighty Morphin Power Ramones shtick, I didn’t think Peelander-Z could get any more awesome. Then last year, they transformed from a punk band and into a metal band and bam! More awesomeness. I’ll never underestimate you again, Peelander-Z.
You can see the new hesher-friendly incarnation of Peelander in action starting next month, when they head out on a U.S. tour that is sure to leave a lot of sore necks and torn fishnets in its wake.
Peelander-Z On Tour:
03/08 Savannah, GA @ Club One (Savannah Stopover Festival)
03/18 Houston, TX @ Fitzgerald’s Upstairs
03/19 New Orleans, LA @ One Eyed Jacks
03/20 Birmingham, AL @ The Bottletree Cafe
03/21 Athens, GA @ 40 Watt
03/22 Knoxville, TN @ The Bowery
03/24 Atlanta, GA @ The Drunken Unicorn
03/25 Chattanooga, TN @ JJ’s Bohemia
03/28 St. Louis, MO @ The Demo
03/29 Springfield, MO @ Outland Ballroom
03/30 Tulsa, OK @ Mercury Lounge
04/01 Norman, OK @ Opolis
04/03 Lincoln, NE @ Knickerbockers
04/05 Kansas City, MO @ Middle Of The Map Fest
04/09 Denver, CO @ Marquis Theater
04/15 San Diego, CA @ Soda Bar
04/16 West Hollywood, CA @ The Roxy Theatre
04/17 San Francisco, CA @ DNA Lounge
04/19 Portland, OR @ Hawthorne Theatre Lounge
04/21 Seattle, WA @ El Corazon
04/22 Boise, ID @ Neurolux
04/26 Billings, MT @ Railyard
04/29 Minneapolis, MN @ 7th St. Entry
05/01 Chicago, IL @ Reggie’s Rock Club
05/03 Toledo, OH @ Frankies
05/08 Richmond, VA @ Strange Matter
05/14 Providence, RI @ Fete Music
Peelander’s metal-themed album, Metalander-Z, is available here.
Posted by weirdestband
A hearty tip of the gimp mask to reader Arno Tamm for alerting us to the existence of a brand-new video from Winny Puhh, the band that makes us wish we could crowd-surf all the way to Estonia. Apparently the Estonian Music Awards were last week—and in addition to taking home a well-deserved trophy (what do they call the awards handed out at the EMAs? I really hope it’s “Stoneys”) for Best Song, Winny Puhh also stole the show with yet another of their what-the-fuck-is-going-on live performances. Actually, this one isn’t strictly speaking “live,” although it was clearly recorded all in one take. See how long it takes you to figure out the non-live part.
In case you were wondering: Winny Puhh won the Best Song category for “Meiecundimees üks Korsakov läks eile Lätti,” the song they now famously performed at the Estonian Eurovision tryouts and later at a Paris fashion show. I’m not sure what else they were nominated for, but the fact that they lost Best Band to these guys did is a travesty of Macklemore-esque proportions.
In other Winny Puhh news: The band has just been confirmed as one of over 200 acts performing at Tallinn Music Week, which seems to be sort of a South by Southwest for Eastern Europe. They’ll be headlining the Rock Cafe on Saturday, March 29th. I don’t think we can crowd-surf there by then, but if anyone goes, please, take lots of photos.
Somebody really should do a TV show called Dungeons, Dragons & Death Metal. Has a nice ring to it, right? Way better than Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives. The host of Dungeons, Dragons & Death Metal would swallow Guy Fieri whole…except for his hair, because his hair probably tastes like peroxide and bacon grease.
I’m not really sure what they’d do on Dungeons, Dragons & Death Metal…drive around to role-playing stores and declare their figurines to be “the bomb,” I guess…but I have the perfect soundtrack for it: A Band of Orcs. They’re Orcs who play death metal. Any questions? Didn’t think so.
A Band of Orcs are a five-piece from Santa Cruz…or I should say, they’re from “the blasted doomscape of Hirntodia” but came to our world via Santa Cruz because when stoner hippies aren’t surfing, they’re playing Dungeons & Dragons. They’ve been around since 2006. They released an EP in 2007 called Warchiefs of the Apocalypse and a full-length album in 2012 called Adding Heads to the Pile, both of which shred pretty hard for a bunch of guys in rubber Orc suits. Or, if you don’t want to spoil the fantasy, I guess you could say their music shreds pretty hard considering they didn’t learn to play guitar, bass and drums until they were cast into our world by a monster summoning spell and heard some Slayer.
They made a video in 2007 called “Into the Maelstrom” that is so fucking awesome they haven’t made another one since. I mean, how can you top this shit? There’s an entire conquering Orc army! With giant beasts with stages strapped to their backs so A Band of Orcs can do a concert in the middle of the battlefield! I have to watch it again and break stuff.
Apparently no one knows the true identities of A Band of Orcs. Unless they really are Orcs. That could explain why they haven’t made any more videos. Orcs are notoriously camera-shy. Although they have given a ton of on-camera interviews, so that blows that theory. Maybe they prefer to just let the music speak for itself. Yeah, that must be it.
By the way: Thanks to reader “enragedlime” for suggesting that we add these beasts to The Weird List. You can stop being so enraged now, OK?
Ancient forces of evil be praised! Drone metal overlords Sunn O))) released a new two-track album this week on Southern Lord Records, and we just learned that the whole thing is streaming now on Bandcamp. I’m cranking it up with my morning glass of whiskey and beet juice (good for the skin) and it’s scratching my guitar feedback itch but good.
Here’s the second track, “Invisible/Sleeper,” which starts off with what I can only assume are the gibbering voices of the damned before the doom chords kick in and the whole thing hops a slow train to Droneytown. The Sunn O))) guys recommend: “MAXIMUM VOLUME YIELDS MAXIMUM RESULTS.” They would not steer you wrong.
In their 28 years on our pathetic excuse for a planet, GWAR has cut a pretty wide swath of destruction. But for reasons that remain murkier than the inside of Oderus’s codpiece, Japan has been spared…until now.
This March, GWAR will play their first-ever* shows in the nation that gave us a shrimp-themed jazz/funk band and a J-pop trio that looks like this. So I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that the Scumdogs of the Universe will be a big hit in Osaka and Tokyo. Plus, they’re apparently bringing their pet T-Rex Gor-Gor with them, and we all know that if there’s one thing Japanese people love, it’s getting their asses kicked by giant dinosaurs. That and metal played by schoolgirls. Maybe new guitarist Pustulus Maximus can wear a plaid skirt for the occasion.
Even space-traveling demon-gods need to plan their tours efficiently, so GWAR will also be swinging through Australia to play the Soundwave Festival, a touring punk/rock/metal festival with a lineup so good I almost don’t mind that it includes Panic! At the Disco. Almost.
Anyway, for all you folks on the other side of our pathetic excuse for a planet, here are the full dates:
GWAR Australia/Japan Tour
2/22/14: Soundwave Festival Brisbane
2/23/14: Soundwave Festival Sydney
2/28/14: Soundwave Festival Melbourne
3/1/14: Soundwave Festival Adelaide
3/3/14: Soundwave Festival Perth
3/6: Osaka, Japan @ BIG CAT
3/7: Tokyo, Japan @ Akasaka BLITZ
In other news we meant to tell you about sooner: GWAR released their latest album, Battle Maximus, last fall. You can score yourself a copy here and watch the video for “Madness at the Core of Time” below. We can attest from personal experience that yes, that’s really what a GWAR show looks like. Except it’s even grosser in person. Can’t let Oderus spew his demon spunk all over that expensive camera equipment.
*That concert DVD Live From Mt. Fuji? “Recorded in the future!” according to Oderus. Or Pittsburgh, according to Wikipedia.
Look, Japan, I get it, OK? You’re a strange country. You don’t have to keep proving it to me. I know all about your jam bands who dress like giant shrimp and creepy singing robots and game shows where you have to play a harmonica inside a dead fish’s mouth. So you can relax already. You got this weird shit on lock.
But no…every time I open my inbox, I’m greeted with more “what the fuck is going on?” moments from the Land of the Rising Sun. The latest is a band called Babymetal that is, in fact, made up of babies who sing metal. Well, OK, they’re not babies; I think the oldest one is like 14 or something. But the point is, they’re sweet little Japanese schoolgirls who should probably not be allowed to watch any Dir En Grey videos for at least another four years…and yet, they kinda sound like Dir En Grey. Japan strikes again!
Apparently Babymetal is the metal-themed spinoff of another kiddie J-pop group called Sakura Gakuin. They call their music “kawaii metal,” which sounds like metal for surfers but actually translates to “cute metal,” which actually sums this stuff up pretty well. There are definite elements of pop and EDM and even the occasional hip-hop and dubstep…but it all comes back to the double kick drums and drop-D guitar riffs, which are played by a scary-looking masked backing band while the girls dance around in their Hot Topic finery. Never before has the devil’s music been this adorable.
Do I even need to tell you that this shit is huge in Japan? Here’s a link (embedding disabled…fuckers) to a video of them playing a song called “Headbanger!!” for approximately one zillion people at the Inazuma Rock Festival this past September. I believe this is part of a DVD they released last month called Babymetal Apocalypse, which I guess if you’re a metal purist is probably the most accurately named concert DVD of all time. Personally I can’t get enough of this shit, though. It’s like watching a Metallica show inside a Hello Kitty store.
I’ll leave you with one last video because it’s awesome. Spoiler alert: Her microphone houses a tiny samurai sword. In your face, Marilyn Manson!
Posted by weirdestband
Anyone know if Michael Jackson visited Nicaragua sometime in the late ’80s? If he did—and sired an illegitimate child during his stay—that’s one of two possible explanations for the existence of the exotic creature known as Donny Varper. The other possible explanation? That he really is, as he claims, from another galaxy.
We first learned of Nicaragua’s weirdest progeny by way of a great little website called EarBleed.com, which is kinda like our site except that—as you might have surmised from the name EarBleed.com—most of the music they feature is fucking awful. I suppose Donny Varper’s stuff is kinda awful, too—it’s basically just shlocky dance-pop, with lots of stabby synths and cheesy breakdowns and Auto-Tuned vocals—but it’s catchy and filled with random references to UFOs and aliens and Aztec aliens who came to Earth in UFOs and…oh, hell, just watch and listen for yourself.
Brilliant, right? He’s like a Lady Gaga impersonator who dropped acid at a Blasted Mechanism concert and had a vision of Jesus and Quetzalcoatl swooping down in a flaming chariot and abducting him into an episode of Ancient Aliens.
We don’t know much more about Varper, except that he lists his gender as “electronic pop” (which kinda makes sense, actually) and he claims to be from another galaxy but now, according to his Facebook page, lives in Los Angeles. If that last part is true: Donny, hit us up! We’d love to be the first (as far as we can tell) American blog to interview you and help you spread your music of cosmic love to the English-speaking masses.
We’ll leave you with Varper’s catchiest and most batshit creation, a little song and video called “E.T.” that should really, if there is any hope left for humanity, become the next “Gangnam Style.” I look forward to your parody videos, YouTube Nation. Get on it.
Sure, you laugh now at Van Canto, the German a cappella metal band that does all their drop-D riffs with voices instead of guitars. But when the shit hits the fan, you’re gonna need these guys. Because only a cappella metal can defeat the forces of evil that are conspiring to keep you from banging your head as nature intended.
In their new video for the awesomely titled “Badaboom”…which we can only hope will soon be followed by a prequel song/video called “Badabing”…Van Canto must save the day when an evil scientist and his Matrix-like horde of shades-and-suits henchmen decide to rid the world of heavy metal by stealing every heavy band’s guitars. They start right at the top with Sabbath and Metallica, then they skip further down the list to Swedish power metalers Sabaton, I guess because they needed to represent Northern Europe somehow and no one actually knows what Opeth looks like. Anyway, Van Canto come to the rescue because, of course, they don’t need no stinkin’ guitars…although they do have a drummer, because everyone knows that mouth percussion is retarded.
“Badaboom” is the first single from Van Canto’s fifth album, Dawn of the Brave, which comes out next February on Napalm Records. You can pre-order that shit here, and catch them on tour if you happen to live in Europe. If you live in America, like us, well I guess there’s always a chance Glee might do an all-metal episode. But let’s hope not.
Van Canto 2014 tour dates after the clip. By the way, which impersonator in this video is worse: fake Ozzy or fake Hetfield? Discuss!
Van Canto “Dawn of the Brave” Tour:
14.02.2014 RUS – Moscow / Klub Volta
15.02.2014 RUS – St. Petersburg / Zal Ozhidaniya
21.02.2014 FR – Strasbourg / La Laiterie
22.02.2014 CH – Pratteln / Gallery
23.02.2014 DE – Nuremnberg / RoFa
06.03.2014 IT – Milan / Factory
07.03.2014 DE – Munich / Backstage
08.03.2014 CZ – Prague / Nova Chmelnice
09.03.2014 DE – Ludwigsburg / ROFA
21.03.2014 DE – Aschaffenburg / ColosSaal
22.03.2014 DE – Hamburg / Grünspan
23.03.2014 DE – Hamelin / Sumpfblume
02.04.2014 GB – London / Underworld
03.04.2014 NL – Tilburg / O13
04.04.2014 DE – Bremen / Aladin
05.04.2014 DE – Cologne / Live Music Hall
10.04.2014 DE – Berlin / Lido
11.04.2014 DE – Glauchau / Alte Spinnerei
12.04.2014 DE – Düsseldorf / Pitcher
13.04.2014 DE – Dortmund / FZW