Listen, I love baseball, but it is not the most metal of sports. Football, clearly…the American version, you Eurotrash bastards…football is the most metal sport, following closely by MMA and NASCAR. But that’s all the more reason to love Puig Destroyer. Here’s a bunch of guys who took one stupid pun and a love of the world’s most boring game and created the greatest grindcore band since…well, since Pig Destroyer, the band whose name they’re riffing on.
The other thing they’re riffing on is L.A. Dodgers center fielder Yasiel Puig, a great young player but hardly the most metal guy in the majors. He’s not even the most metal thing on the Dodgers…that honor still goes to Brian Wilson’s beard, even if the player attached to said beard kinda sucks these days.
So it’s about time Puig Destroyer finally…I mean, they’ve been around for a whole year now…finally recorded a song in tribute to the most metal guy in the majors, the Angels’ Mike Trout. Now this dude’s an absolute beast. Here’s a 489-foot home run he hit earlier this season. Even in the world’s most boring game, he’s fun to watch. And now he has a grindcore anthem worthy of his beastliness.
In case I wasn’t being clear: Yes, all Puig Destroyer songs are about baseball. Other titles include “First to Third,” “Destroyer of Baseballs” and my personal favorite, “Stop Fucking Bunting.” Seriously, guys, just knock it off. Your game’s wimpy enough as it is.
You can hear all of Puig Destroyer’s ball-themed mayhem on their Bandcamp page.
I know we’ve been doing “Flashback Fridays” around here lately but I don’t care. This video is too fucking good to wait till Monday. Besides, it came out in February, so that counts as a flashback, right? Ah, Feb. 2014. The good old days, before Ferguson and ISIS and Robin Williams and Christ, what a depressing summer this has been.
Anyway, this is yet another French band from Apathia Records, the same lunatics who brought you Pryapisme. Hardcore Anal Hydrogen aren’t quite that out there, especially on this track, which is pretty straight-up post-hardcore with some fun tempo changes and electronic elements. But the video kills me every time. I almost hope the next metal band I see just sends cardboard versions of themselves onstage. It would probably be more entertaining than some shows I’ve been to.
You can find out more about Hardcore Anal Hydrogen on the Apathia Records website.
Our buddy Folkicide told us to check out this guy Joey Molinaro who does something called “acoustic grind violin.” Intrigued, we clicked over to one of his YouTube and yep, this dude basically plays grindcore/death metal by himself with a just a violin, foot-stomp percussion and the occasional strangled vocal. The results sound like a cross between a mosh pit and a hootenanny, or maybe something you could call Appalachian folk metal. Check it out.
If, like us, you can’t get enough of this shit, there’s plenty more where that came from on Joey’s Bandcamp page.
Another GWAR-B-Q has come and gone and while I’m sure all the bands rocked the fuck out and all, most of the talk has rightly been about Dave Brockie/Oderus and the fact that his GWAR bandmates really did, as promised, give the man a full-on Viking funeral. They put Oderus…or at least the latex monster suit formerly inhabited by Oderus…on a boat, sent it drifting out into the middle of a lake, and set it on fire with a fucking flaming arrow. Best funeral since Hunter S. Thompson? I would say so.
The whole funeral is up on YouTube. Lamb of God’s Randy Blythe delivered an excellent eulogy, and there’s some cool stuff with a girl dressed up like a Valkyrie waving a flaming sword around, but the whole thing is 52 minutes long and we know you people have short attention spans. So here’s the flaming arrow money shot:
Rest in peace, Oderus. Or better yet, rest in chaos and mayhem, because that was always more your scene.
So apparently GWAR will be performing at the fifth annual GWAR-B-Q in Richmond, Virginny, on Aug. 16th. And I’m not gonna lie…I have mixed feelings about this. When GWAR front-monster Oderus Urungus ditched Earth back in March, I kinda assumed it was the end of the line for his merry band of blood-spewing thrash-heads. But they’ve decided to carry on without him, which strikes me as the worst idea since Loutallica. But hey, talk me down from my ledge, Jizmak Da Gusha (from an interview with Metal Insider):
We have Mike Bishop, the original Beefcake bass player of GWAR. He’s coming back to fold to do some singing duties, but Balsac, Pustulus, Beefcake, they’re all singing. Cyborg, Destructo, Bone Snapper, all the GWAR characters have songs to fill in, and we’ve kind of taken the idea back to the original, old school, Scumdogs idea. Where Oderus, he was just the anchor, there were so many characters and so many different people singing songs, and so much action and gore and death on the stage in the old days that it wasn’t like it was more recently, where we stripped away all of that and made Oderus the focal point. The old Scumdogs of GWAR, there’s chaos everywhere, and Oderus is just the anchor to it. So we’re kind of going back to the old format, embracing it… I think people are going to respond to it. No one would respect us if we just threw another guy in the costume and said “Oh here’s Oderus’ replacement.” There is no way to replace Dave Brockie, not in a million years.
OK, I’m less scared now. A reunion of all former GWAR Scumdogs, with everyone taking turns on lead vocals? This could be good. It could be like a big GWAR circus, all honoring Dave/Oderus’ memory. OK, I’m totally in! Also, I may have just teared up a little. Sorry, GWAR makes me sentimental.
In other GWAR news: Plans are moving ahead to open the first GWARbar in Richmond, featuring “intergalactic gourmet junk food” and, of course, GWAR-brand beer (start with the Impaled Pale Ale and switch to the Killsner when you’re too drunk to stand). GWAR’s own Mike Derks, aka Balsac the Jaws of Death, will be the chef. By the way, if you click that GWARbar link at the top of this paragraph, you will see that the name “Balsac the Jaws of Death” just got printed in the Washington Post. This makes us happy.
I’m going to play this post out with a classic clip of GWAR on The Joan Rivers Show sometime around 1990, partially because it gives you a chance to see Mike Bishop, the original Beefcake, in action. But mostly because it’s funny as fuck.
Yesterday we took a break from bitching about missing Babymetal’s first U.S. show to tell you that at said show, one of the kawaii metal girls apparently got carted off in an ambulance. Well, today, a Babymetal fan named Benjamin Hill tweeted us a link to the following post on the group’s unofficial fan site. We’re not sure of the source, so for all we know it’s completely made up. But given that it doesn’t flat-out deny the ambulance rumors, and chalks the whole thing up to heat exhaustion (and it was indeed brutally hot here in Los Angeles on Sunday), it seems plausible.
For the record, the full post was slightly cut off. The end actually specifies that Babymetal will rock unsuspecting Gaga fans’ faces “off like a hurricane!” (You can read the full text of the post here.)
So for now, let’s assume the girls are all fine and ready to rock Phoenix tomorrow night. Where there will hopefully be better air-conditioning.
[Update: Today we received unconfirmed word that all three Babymetal girls are fine. If there are further developments in this story, we'll let you know.]
We woke up this morning more hungover than usual, because we spent last night trying to drink away the pain of missing a Babymetal show that was 10 fucking minutes from my house. It was the cute-metal trio’s first U.S. show and since some genius decided to book the most popular band on the Internet into a venue the size of my living room, it sold out in about three seconds. I’m sure we could have donated kidneys for tickets or something, but since Andy and I are both marginally employed at the moment, we decided to be responsible adults and sit this one out.
Well, it turns out that not only did we miss an absolute rager of a show, according to this review…we also missed some serious post-show drama. Although it hasn’t been confirmed by the band, several eyewitnesses saw an ambulance leaving right after the concert that was apparently carrying one of Babymetal’s two younger members, Moa and Yui. A detailed post on Reddit would seem to confirm that it was one of the girls. Hopefully it was just a little exhaustion or dehydration or headbanger’s whiplash and not something more serious.
Assuming all three Babymetallers are recuperated in time from last night’s show, they’re scheduled to continue their conquest of America with five dates
salvaging the career of opening for Lady Gaga. Which makes it almost worth paying good money to go see Lady Gaga. Almost.
The Gaga/Babymetal dates are below, but first watch this promotional tour video, which is pretty much the new gold standard against which all future promotional tour videos will be judged. By the way, kudos to Babymetal’s backing band
Babymetal at Lady Gaga’s artRAVE : the ARTPOP ball
7/30 Phoenix, AZ US Airways Arena
8/01 Las Vegas, NV MGM Grand Garden Arena
8/02 Stateline, NV Harveys Lake Tahoe
8/04 Salt Lake City, UT Energy Solutions Arena
8/06 Denver, CO Pepsi Center
France continues to be an unexpected wellspring of weird music, especially of the experimental metal variety. Today’s weirdness comes to us from a French reader named Arthur who sent us a long list of bands, including several we’d never heard before, like Empalot, a short-lived side project of French groove metal master Gojira. Empalot might best be described as Gojira meets Mr. Bungle, with maybe a dash of Primus and a smidgen of Sebkha-Chott. It’s heavy and funky and above all, silly.
Sadly, Empalot seems to have only existed for one album, Tous aux Cèpes, before disbanding in 2003 or 2004. Their live shows were apparently quite the spectacle, with the band wearing giant masks and helmets and songs interspersed with “mini-plays,” according to their Wikipedia page.
We really need to get out more. Apparently one of the most awesome cover bands of all time was based right here in Los Angeles up until 2007 and we missed them. I’m talking about Nudist fucking Priest.
So OK, this is one of your basic one-joke cover bands, but you gotta admit, it’s a pretty balls-out joke. Literally.
Here’s video from their farewell show. All I can say is, I really hope the drummer brought his own stool.
I’m not ashamed to admit that credit for introducing us to this band must go to the Comedy Central show @Midnight, which did a whole segment on weird cover bands a few nights back. They even included our pint-sized pals in The Mini Band, who we kinda hope never see this post. At least whoever shot that video of Nudist Priest’s farewell show was thoughtful enough to scramble the naughty bits.
Recently a reader named StArSeEd (obviously a big fan of tUnE-yArDs) bombarded our Submit a Band page with about a zillion bands of varying levels of weirdness. And while we wish we cover them all, StarSeed (sorry, I’m not putting all those goddamned caps in your name twice), for today, you’ll have to settle for us sharing Cookie Mongoloid with our readers.
Cookie Mongoloid is (or possibly was—they seem to have been inactive since about 2010) a Bay Area bunch of freaks who took the popular description of death metal growls as “Cookie Monster vocals” to its logical conclusion: They got Cookie Monster himself to be their lead singer. Actually, I suspect it’s not Cookie himself but probably his alcoholic brother, Mookie Conster. But since we haven’t had the pleasure of seeing them live for ourselves, it’s hard to say for sure. They call their music “Sesame speed metal” but I think “Muppet goregrind” is catchier, though perhaps less accurate.
Anyway, here’s a video of them performing (what else?) “C Is for Cookie,” complete with flames, motorcycles and a cookie cannon. Looks like fun! If anyone knows whether or not these guys are still together, let us know.