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Bless us, one and all! Miss Von Trapp has a visit from Professor Elemental.

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There’s nothing that makes our hearts and various other organs swell with greater pride than the sight of two entrants on our esteemed Weird List making beautiful music together. So when murderously dark cabaret cellist Miss Von Trapp shared with us this video of her and chap-hop luminary Professor Elemental giving the Pogues’ “Fairytale of New York” a good jolly rogering, our hearts were swollen fair to bursting. The less said about what it did to our other organs, the better.

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Miss Von Trapp’s “Songs to Die For” available now on Bandcamp

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If you like dark, twisted nursery-rhyme songs performed with a cello and a Mary Poppins accent, then head over to Bandcamp now and get your mitts on a copy of Songs to Die For, the new record from Miss Von Trapp. It features nine little nuggets of dark whimsy, including rewrites of “Daisy Daisy” and “Rule Brittania” (renamed “Cruel Brittania”) that reveal those old chestnuts to be the sick, depraved anthems we always knew them to be.

All this will set you back five quid, as the Brits like to say, which we believe translates to something like 10 bucks. Although by the time you read this, the whole American economy may have collapsed because of that whole sequester thing. So maybe it’ll be more like 20 bucks.

Here’s that Bandcamp link again. Enjoy!

Miss Von Trapp

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Well, after a humdinger of a Facebook poll, we are ready to crown our first Weird Band of the Week of 2013. Or maybe we’ll crown the severed head that accompanies her at most of her shows. Apparently the head is named Anne Boleyn, so that seems more appropriate.

Miss Von Trapp is the stage persona of one Lizzi Fugeman. She hails from England, plays the cello and sings Goth-Victorian folks songs about children being poisoned by eels and the inner musings of Jack the Ripper and other such cheery subjects. She also wears stripey stockings and creepy doll makeup. She calls her music “Murderously Quirky Dark Cello Cabaret” and “performance poetry to revolt and entertain.” She’s kind of Rasputina meets the Tiger Lillies meets the room this old spinster named Priscilla kept full of creaky antique toys on the street where I grew up. If that room had had a soundtrack, I bet it would’ve sounded exactly like Miss Von Trapp. Come to think of it, what the hell was I ever doing in that room? My parents did not inculcate me with a proper sense of Stranger Danger. If I were the subject of a Miss Von Trapp song, I surely would have met an untimely end.

Miss Von Trapp has a new album called Songs to Die For coming out later this year, which you’ll no doubt be able to read all about here, as soon as we can wheedle a copy out of her. Meantime, here she is performing a pair of original songs, “Tragic Moments” and “Roses Are Red,” at something called the Dolly Delights Burlesque Peep Show and Cabaret. Oh, those saucy Brits and their salacious peep shows, featuring buxom cello players in doll makeup and granny glasses. Be still my boiling tea bags!

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P.S. We’re still recuperating from our latest Facebook poll, but we’ll have a new one soon. Promise.

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