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Behold Vulvatron, GWAR’s awesome new female lead singer

Vulvatron

The post-Oderus incarnation of GWAR continues to exceed our expectations. Instead of replacing the irreplaceable entity that was Oderus/Dave Brockie, the band’s reportedly totally revamped their stage show and added not one, but two new lead vocalists fill Oderus’ massive platform boots.

After unleashing Blothar on the unsuspecting masses at the GWAR-B-Q, they presented his female counterpart, Vulvatron, at Riot Fest in Chicago this past weekend. And she is pretty much everything one could hope for in a lady GWAR demon. She’s hot. She shoots blood from her massive breasts. She takes great selfies. And she fucks shit up with the boys. We’re sold.

Vulvatron’s human counterpart is one Kim “Kylla” Dylla, who’s just as much of a badass IRL, as the kids all say these days. Just check out her CV on her website: degrees in art and computer science, a painter and costume designer, wrestler, frontwoman of her own metal band Thismeansyou. She’s going to have human filth lining up around the block after every GWAR show hoping to be her disposable sex slaves.

Speaking of GWAR shows: The band’s also announced a massive, 45-date tour that’s also being billed as the band’s quest to find the missing Oderus. Here’s what guitarist Balsac the Jaws of Death says about the tour on the GWAR website:

“Dark clouds of war and ill omen have gathered around GWAR. In our hour of greatest peril, Oderus has left us and our enemies stand poised, ready to strike while they sense weakness. But we shall no longer cower in our Antarctic stronghold, awaiting Destiny’s final blow. This Fall GWAR sets out on the most trying quest of our career. We shall scour our leader’s favorite stomping ground, North America, leaving no city unsearched, no venue unraised, and no sheep unmolested. GWAR will venture to the depths of Hell or to the very end of Time itself, and though I fear what we may encounter out there, I know that we can never return home until we have the answer we seek: ‘Where is Oderus Urungus?’”

So what say you, GWARmy? Do you stand ready to help your demon overlords in their hour of need? Are you ready to get sprayed with blood from the almighty udder of Blothar and the unspeakable breasts of Vulvatron? Goddamn right you are.

Here are the dates:

GWAR W/ Decapitated and American Sharks:

10/15: Norfolk, VA @ The Norva
10/16: Sayreville, NJ @ Starland Ballroom
10/17: Stroudsburg, PA @ Sherman Theater
10/18: Worcester, MA @ The Palladium – “Rock and Shock Festival”
10/19: Buffalo, NY @ The Town Ballroom
10/21: Louisville, KY @ Expo Five
10/22: Memphis, TN @ New Daisy Theater
10/23: Dallas, TX @ Gas Monkey Live
10/24: New Orleans, LA @ House of Blues
10/25: Austin, TX @ Emo’s – “Housecore Horror Film Festival*
10/26: Houston, TX @ Warehouse Live
10/28: Oklahoma City, OK @ Diamond Ballroom
10/29: Sauget, IL @ Pop’s Nightclub
10/30: Lawrence, KS @ Granada Theater
10/31: Denver, CO @ The Summit Music Hall**
11/1: Albuquerque, NM @ Sunshine Theater
11/2: Tempe, AZ @ The Marquee
11/3: Santa Ana, CA @ The Observatory
11/4: Reno, NV @ Knitting Factory Concert House
11/5: San Francisco, CA @ The Regency Ballroom
11/6: Hollywood, CA @ House of Blues
11/7: Las Vegas, NV @ Hard Rock Live
11/8: Magna, UT @ The Great Salt Air
11/10: Boise, ID @ Knitting Factory Concert House
11/11: Portland, OR @ Roseland Theater
11/12: Seattle, WA @ Showbox SODO

GWAR W/ TBA and American Sharks:

11/14: Vancouver, BC and Commodore Ballroom

GWAR W/ Corrosion of Conformity and American Sharks:

11/15: Spokane, WA @ Knitting Factory Concert House
11/16: Calgary, AB @ MacEwan Hall Ballroom
11/17: Edmonton, AB @ Union Hall
11/19: Fargo, ND @ The Venue
11/20: Minneapolis, MN @ Skyway Theater
11/21: Milwaukee, WI @ The Rave
11/22: Detroit, MI @ Harpo’s
11/23: Grand Rapids, MI @ The Intersection
11/25: Indianapolis, IN @ The Vogue
11/26: Cleveland, OH @ House of Blues
11/28: Charlotte, NC @ Tremont Music Hall
11/29: Philadelphia, PA @ Electric Factory
11/30: New York, NY @ Irving Plaza
12/2: Nashville, TN @ Exit/In
12/3: Asheville, NC @ The Orange Peel
12/4: Pensacola, FL @ Vinyl Music Hall
12/5: Orlando, FL @ Firestone Live
12/6: Atlanta, GA @ The Masquerade
12/7: Columbus, OH @ Newport Music Hall
12/8: Millvale, PA @ Mr. Smalls Theater
12/9: Toronto, ON @ Opera House
12/10: Montreal, QC @ Virgin Mobile Corona Theater
12/11: Clifton Park, NY @ Upstate Concert Hall
12/12: New Haven, CT @ Toad’s Place
12/13: Baltimore, MD @ Baltimore Sound Stage

*No American Sharks
** Havok plays on this show

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As promised, GWAR gave Oderus Urungus a proper Viking funeral

Oderus Viking funeral

Another GWAR-B-Q has come and gone and while I’m sure all the bands rocked the fuck out and all, most of the talk has rightly been about Dave Brockie/Oderus and the fact that his GWAR bandmates really did, as promised, give the man a full-on Viking funeral. They put Oderus…or at least the latex monster suit formerly inhabited by Oderus…on a boat, sent it drifting out into the middle of a lake, and set it on fire with a fucking flaming arrow. Best funeral since Hunter S. Thompson? I would say so.

The whole funeral is up on YouTube. Lamb of God’s Randy Blythe delivered an excellent eulogy, and there’s some cool stuff with a girl dressed up like a Valkyrie waving a flaming sword around, but the whole thing is 52 minutes long and we know you people have short attention spans. So here’s the flaming arrow money shot:

Rest in peace, Oderus. Or better yet, rest in chaos and mayhem, because that was always more your scene.

This year’s GWAR-B-Q with feature a Oderus-less incarnation of GWAR

GWAR-B-Q 2014

So apparently GWAR will be performing at the fifth annual GWAR-B-Q in Richmond, Virginny, on Aug. 16th. And I’m not gonna lie…I have mixed feelings about this. When GWAR front-monster Oderus Urungus ditched Earth back in March, I kinda assumed it was the end of the line for his merry band of blood-spewing thrash-heads. But they’ve decided to carry on without him, which strikes me as the worst idea since Loutallica. But hey, talk me down from my ledge, Jizmak Da Gusha (from an interview with Metal Insider):

We have Mike Bishop, the original Beefcake bass player of GWAR. He’s coming back to fold to do some singing duties, but Balsac, Pustulus, Beefcake, they’re all singing. Cyborg, Destructo, Bone Snapper, all the GWAR characters have songs to fill in, and we’ve kind of taken the idea back to the original, old school, Scumdogs idea. Where Oderus, he was just the anchor, there were so many characters and so many different people singing songs, and so much action and gore and death on the stage in the old days that it wasn’t like it was more recently, where we stripped away all of that and made Oderus the focal point. The old Scumdogs of GWAR, there’s chaos everywhere, and Oderus is just the anchor to it. So we’re kind of going back to the old format, embracing it… I think people are going to respond to it. No one would respect us if we just threw another guy in the costume and said “Oh here’s Oderus’ replacement.” There is no way to replace Dave Brockie, not in a million years.

OK, I’m less scared now. A reunion of all former GWAR Scumdogs, with everyone taking turns on lead vocals? This could be good. It could be like a big GWAR circus, all honoring Dave/Oderus’ memory. OK, I’m totally in! Also, I may have just teared up a little. Sorry, GWAR makes me sentimental.

In addition to GWAR 2.0, the GWAR-B-Q is also going to feature such skull-crushing experts at Hatebreed, Goatwhore, The Misfits, The Meatmen, and fuckin’ Ice-T and Body Count. For tickets, go here.

In other GWAR news: Plans are moving ahead to open the first GWARbar in Richmond, featuring “intergalactic gourmet junk food” and, of course, GWAR-brand beer (start with the Impaled Pale Ale and switch to the Killsner when you’re too drunk to stand). GWAR’s own Mike Derks, aka Balsac the Jaws of Death, will be the chef. By the way, if you click that GWARbar link at the top of this paragraph, you will see that the name “Balsac the Jaws of Death” just got printed in the Washington Post. This makes us happy.

I’m going to play this post out with a classic clip of GWAR on The Joan Rivers Show sometime around 1990, partially because it gives you a chance to see Mike Bishop, the original Beefcake, in action. But mostly because it’s funny as fuck.

Weird of the Day: Watch this dude totally destroy Slayer’s “Raining Blood” on the banjo

Rob Scallon

So there’s this guy from Chicago named Rob Scallon who does YouTube videos of himself jamming on guitar, banjo, cello, bass, ukulele and seemingly every other instrument in existence. He’s done a whole series of clips called “Metal on instruments that aren’t metal” and they’re all pretty great, but this video of him doing Slayer’s “Raining Blood” is the one that got our attention. It’s like Deliverance meets Headbangers Ball. And just when you think it can’t get any more awesome, he throws in a guy playing the spoons.

To watch Rob shred on other metal classics, including System of a Down’s “Chop Suey” and Slayer’s “Spill the Blood,” hit up his YouTube channel.

A Band of Orcs

A Band of Orcs

Somebody really should do a TV show called Dungeons, Dragons & Death Metal. Has a nice ring to it, right? Way better than Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives. The host of Dungeons, Dragons & Death Metal would swallow Guy Fieri whole…except for his hair, because his hair probably tastes like peroxide and bacon grease.

I’m not really sure what they’d do on Dungeons, Dragons & Death Metal…drive around to role-playing stores and declare their figurines to be “the bomb,” I guess…but I have the perfect soundtrack for it: A Band of Orcs. They’re Orcs who play death metal. Any questions? Didn’t think so.

A Band of Orcs are a five-piece from Santa Cruz…or I should say, they’re from “the blasted doomscape of Hirntodia” but came to our world via Santa Cruz because when stoner hippies aren’t surfing, they’re playing Dungeons & Dragons. They’ve been around since 2006. They released an EP in 2007 called Warchiefs of the Apocalypse and a full-length album in 2012 called Adding Heads to the Pile, both of which shred pretty hard for a bunch of guys in rubber Orc suits. Or, if you don’t want to spoil the fantasy, I guess you could say their music shreds pretty hard considering they didn’t learn to play guitar, bass and drums until they were cast into our world by a monster summoning spell and heard some Slayer.

They made a video in 2007 called “Into the Maelstrom” that is so fucking awesome they haven’t made another one since. I mean, how can you top this shit? There’s an entire conquering Orc army! With giant beasts with stages strapped to their backs so A Band of Orcs can do a concert in the middle of the battlefield! I have to watch it again and break stuff.

Apparently no one knows the true identities of A Band of Orcs. Unless they really are Orcs. That could explain why they haven’t made any more videos. Orcs are notoriously camera-shy. Although they have given a ton of on-camera interviews, so that blows that theory. Maybe they prefer to just let the music speak for itself. Yeah, that must be it.

By the way: Thanks to reader “enragedlime” for suggesting that we add these beasts to The Weird List. You can stop being so enraged now, OK?

Links:

Brace yourselves, Japan: GWAR is about to get Godzilla on your ass

GWAR

In their 28 years on our pathetic excuse for a planet, GWAR has cut a pretty wide swath of destruction. But for reasons that remain murkier than the inside of Oderus’s codpiece, Japan has been spared…until now.

This March, GWAR will play their first-ever* shows in the nation that gave us a shrimp-themed jazz/funk band and a J-pop trio that looks like this. So I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that the Scumdogs of the Universe will be a big hit in Osaka and Tokyo. Plus, they’re apparently bringing their pet T-Rex Gor-Gor with them, and we all know that if there’s one thing Japanese people love, it’s getting their asses kicked by giant dinosaurs. That and metal played by schoolgirls. Maybe new guitarist Pustulus Maximus can wear a plaid skirt for the occasion.

Even space-traveling demon-gods need to plan their tours efficiently, so GWAR will also be swinging through Australia to play the Soundwave Festival, a touring punk/rock/metal festival with a lineup so good I almost don’t mind that it includes Panic! At the Disco. Almost.

Anyway, for all you folks on the other side of our pathetic excuse for a planet, here are the full dates:

GWAR Australia/Japan Tour

2/22/14: Soundwave Festival Brisbane
2/23/14: Soundwave Festival Sydney
2/28/14: Soundwave Festival Melbourne
3/1/14: Soundwave Festival Adelaide
3/3/14: Soundwave Festival Perth
3/6: Osaka, Japan @ BIG CAT
3/7: Tokyo, Japan @ Akasaka BLITZ

In other news we meant to tell you about sooner: GWAR released their latest album, Battle Maximus, last fall. You can score yourself a copy here and watch the video for “Madness at the Core of Time” below. We can attest from personal experience that yes, that’s really what a GWAR show looks like. Except it’s even grosser in person. Can’t let Oderus spew his demon spunk all over that expensive camera equipment.

*That concert DVD Live From Mt. Fuji? “Recorded in the future!” according to Oderus. Or Pittsburgh, according to Wikipedia.

Let us feast on flesh at the GWAR-B-Q

GWAR-B-Q

Getting sprayed with fake blood at a GWAR concert is fun and all, but I bet it pales in comparison to getting sprayed with real blood and/or lighter fluid. And both those things are probably strong possibilities at the 4th Annual GWAR-B-Q, an orgy of loud music and roasted flesh hosted by the greatest alien-god-monster metal band in the universe. Too bad it’s happening in Virginia, or I’d totally go. But I’m pretty sure I still have at least two outstanding warrants in that state. Or was it West Virginia? Either way, I’m out.

But if you’re in that part of the world on Saturday, Aug. 17, you should totally fucking go. In addition to GWAR, the lineup features such stellar purveyors of weird metal as Cannabis Corpse (weed-themed death metal), X-Cops (current and former members of GWAR dressed up as, well, cops) and Kung Fu Dykes (uh…this shit). Also on the bill: the less weird but undeniably awesome Corrosion of Conformity, Municipal Waste, Loincloth and one of my personal favorites, muthafuckin’ Pig Destroyer. Shit is gonna go off, y’all.

Oh, and did we mention they’re also gonna be rolling out the very first GWAR-themed beer, Impaled Ale? Somebody save us a case.

Tickets go on sale June 6th at gwarbq.com. Mark your calendars in the blood of your enemies.

Metallagher

metallagher-crop

Some of the bands we blog about require a lot of explanation. We have to give you their whole history, explain how they pioneered some obscure subgenre no one’s ever heard of, tell you that all their instruments are woven from human hair or that they write all their lyrics by putting refrigerator magnet poetry on a Ouija Board or some shit. Some of the bands we blog about are fucking complicated.

And then there’s Metallagher.

Metallagher is a Metallica cover band in which the lead singer is a Gallagher impersonator. Between songs he tells bad jokes and during songs he sings and smashes watermelons. And that’s pretty much all you need to know.

If you really need more backstory, read this interview. You will not be at all surprised to learn that they thought of the name first and the band came later. Or that they’re from Minneapolis. Because really, what else is there to do in Minneapolis except get drunk and think up band names like Metallagher?

Like most cover bands, Metallagher are reportedly best appreciated live. Our friends Jay and Adam were the first ones to tell us about them, and they said the live show was a fruit-splattering spectacle worthy of GWAR. Except instead of going home covered in fake blood and alien jizz, fans go home covered in actual watermelon juice.

They really need more videos that skip that bad-joke-telling part of their act and get right to the fruit-smashing part. But this “promo video” gives a decent idea of what they’re about. Hope they come back to L.A. soon. Maybe for a double bill with Metalachi?

Links:

The Locust

It being Halloween and whatnot, I thought it would be a good time to give a shout out to another costume band. But not just any costume band, because let’s face it, all the rubber monster masks in the world can’t make up for boring music. Yeah, I’m looking at you, Slipknot.

But these guys out of San Diego called The Locust are pretty badass. They play a style of punk/thrash/noise that I guess some folks call “powerviolence“…yes, there’s a genre name for everything these days. There songs are super short, sometimes less than a minute, and tend to have titles like “Recyclable Body Fluids in Human Form” and “Full Frontal Obscurity.” And the kicker is that, unlike your average punk band (or powerviolence band, as far as we know), they dress up in these matching uniforms that make them look kind of like a cross between DEVO and a chemical weapons disposel team.

So here’s a little clip of The Locust doing their costumed powerviolence thing, with a precision and ferocity that puts the latest Saw move to shame. Incidently, their drummer is a guy named Gabe Serbian who used to be in another band we’ve blogged about, veggie goregrinders Cattle Decapitation. Bet the Cattle guys miss him. Dude’s an absolute beast.

Links:

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Hatebeak

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A few months back, we blogged about Caninus, the world’s only (to our knowledge) death metal band featuring dogs on lead vocals. Well, in the interest of giving equal time, we guess it’s time to acknowledge that when it comes to replacing the feeble vocal chords of humans in the death metal scene, Caninus is not alone. There’s also a death metal band fronted by a parrot. We couldn’t make this shit up if we tried, people!

Amazingly, Hatebeak has been around since 2004 and released at least three records, including a split with our old pals Caninus. The band is made up of Blake, Mark and Waldo. We’ll let you guess which one is the parrot.

Much like Caninus, Hatebeak is strictly a studio project, so no live footage or music videos exist. However, several enterprising fans have posted most of the band’s catalog on YouTube at this point. They were signed to a Baltimore hardcore label/store called Reptilian Records, but it literally just closed its storefront today (today! what are the odds?) and although their website declares, “Is Reptilian going under? Hell no!” the link for the band’s page on the Reptilian site doesn’t work. So have Hatebeak squawked their last? We’re not optimistic. Although, we hear parrots live to be like 150, so maybe Waldo can pull a Dave Mustaine and go on to have lasting success with some other project, occasionally squawking bitterly about how shittily Blake and Mark treated him in interviews with Metal Hammer.

Anyway, here’s Hatebeak in action. Kind of arty compared to Caninus, but we’re diggin it.

Links:

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