A Band of Orcs


A Band of Orcs

Somebody really should do a TV show called Dungeons, Dragons & Death Metal. Has a nice ring to it, right? Way better than Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives. The host of Dungeons, Dragons & Death Metal would swallow Guy Fieri whole…except for his hair, because his hair probably tastes like peroxide and bacon grease.

I’m not really sure what they’d do on Dungeons, Dragons & Death Metal…drive around to role-playing stores and declare their figurines to be “the bomb,” I guess…but I have the perfect soundtrack for it: A Band of Orcs. They’re Orcs who play death metal. Any questions? Didn’t think so.

A Band of Orcs are a five-piece from Santa Cruz…or I should say, they’re from “the blasted doomscape of Hirntodia” but came to our world via Santa Cruz because when stoner hippies aren’t surfing, they’re playing Dungeons & Dragons. They’ve been around since 2006. They released an EP in 2007 called Warchiefs of the Apocalypse and a full-length album in 2012 called Adding Heads to the Pile, both of which shred pretty hard for a bunch of guys in rubber Orc suits. Or, if you don’t want to spoil the fantasy, I guess you could say their music shreds pretty hard considering they didn’t learn to play guitar, bass and drums until they were cast into our world by a monster summoning spell and heard some Slayer.

They made a video in 2007 called “Into the Maelstrom” that is so fucking awesome they haven’t made another one since. I mean, how can you top this shit? There’s an entire conquering Orc army! With giant beasts with stages strapped to their backs so A Band of Orcs can do a concert in the middle of the battlefield! I have to watch it again and break stuff.

Apparently no one knows the true identities of A Band of Orcs. Unless they really are Orcs. That could explain why they haven’t made any more videos. Orcs are notoriously camera-shy. Although they have given a ton of on-camera interviews, so that blows that theory. Maybe they prefer to just let the music speak for itself. Yeah, that must be it.

By the way: Thanks to reader “enragedlime” for suggesting that we add these beasts to The Weird List. You can stop being so enraged now, OK?

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