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Donny Varper is a “Material Boy”

Donny Varper

Nicaragua’s leading gay alien Madonna impersonator Donny Varper is back and bringing the crazy in a new video we can’t stop watching. “Material Boy” starts with Donny wandering the desert in harem girl drag and ends with him crucified on what appears to be the rhinestone-encrusted dollar sign from a D-list rapper’s chain. Also, there’s something on his crotch we can’t quite identify—although not being able to identify things in the crotchular area on Donny Varper is kind of a given. Basically, it’s what we were hoping the Madonna Grammy performance would be like, instead of whatever that vogue-ing matador bullshit was she laid on us instead. At least at the BRIT Awards, they got to watch her eat it.

The video can’t be embedded. Why, Donny, why?! Don’t fear the embed. But fine, you can watch the goddamn thing on YouTube.

Donny keeps promising to answer some of our questions…and oh yes, we have questions…in a video interview, if we can just get our shit together and send him some damn questions. It’ll happen eventually, we promise.

Let’s stick a fork in this World Cup with Donny Varper

Donny Varper

The World Cup is finally over, which means us Americans can stop pretending to care about soccer and the rest of the planet can get back to their lives. I must admit, I watched more of it than usual this year, but except for that one awesome match where Germany stomped Brazil into the turf, I watched most of it out of the corner of my eye while I was doing more interesting things, like scraping Cheeto dust off my couch cushions and trying to turn my vuvuzela into a beer bong. Jesus, world, could you maybe pick a more interesting sport to be obsessed over? Try golf or something. At least in that game, the ball goes into the hole once in awhile.

But yes, the World Cup is a big deal, the one sporting event that unites the whole planet and blah blah blah. So we here at Weird Band HQ would be remiss if we didn’t acknowledge it in some way. Fortunately, gay Nicaraguan leprechaun Donny Varper is here to help. Donny wrote a song in honor of the World Cup called “GOL” and as with all transmissions from the Planet Varper, it’s amazing. Can you feel that Cup in your heart, Germany?

So see you in four years, World Cup. I’m sure there will be plenty more Cheeto dust in my couch cushions by then.

Donny Varper

Donny Varper

Anyone know if Michael Jackson visited Nicaragua sometime in the late ’80s? If he did—and sired an illegitimate child during his stay—that’s one of two possible explanations for the existence of the exotic creature known as Donny Varper. The other possible explanation? That he really is, as he claims, from another galaxy.

We first learned of Nicaragua’s weirdest progeny by way of a great little website called EarBleed.com, which is kinda like our site except that—as you might have surmised from the name EarBleed.com—most of the music they feature is fucking awful. I suppose Donny Varper’s stuff is kinda awful, too—it’s basically just shlocky dance-pop, with lots of stabby synths and cheesy breakdowns and Auto-Tuned vocals—but it’s catchy and filled with random references to UFOs and aliens and Aztec aliens who came to Earth in UFOs and…oh, hell, just watch and listen for yourself.

Brilliant, right? He’s like a Lady Gaga impersonator who dropped acid at a Blasted Mechanism concert and had a vision of Jesus and Quetzalcoatl swooping down in a flaming chariot and abducting him into an episode of Ancient Aliens.

We don’t know much more about Varper, except that he lists his gender as “electronic pop” (which kinda makes sense, actually) and he claims to be from another galaxy but now, according to his Facebook page, lives in Los Angeles. If that last part is true: Donny, hit us up! We’d love to be the first (as far as we can tell) American blog to interview you and help you spread your music of cosmic love to the English-speaking masses.

We’ll leave you with Varper’s catchiest and most batshit creation, a little song and video called “E.T.” that should really, if there is any hope left for humanity, become the next “Gangnam Style.” I look forward to your parody videos, YouTube Nation. Get on it.

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