Hear (most of) Here Come the Mummies’ new album, “Cryptic”

Here Come the Mummies Cryptic

For some bands, reinventing the wheel would be a form of sacrilege akin to watching an old bluesman suddenly bust out into Justin Bieber song. So we’re happy to report that Cryptic, the sixth album from undead funk-rockers Here Come the Mummies, is pretty much exactly what you’d expect from a band whose previous albums include such WYSIWYG titles as Single Entendre and Bed, Bath and Behind. There are songs are partying, songs about sex, and songs about how too much partying can lead to sex. It’s a sweeping epic about the human condition, really. Baz Luhrmann should buy the film rights.

You can listen to extended clips from all 12 of Cryptic‘s tracks right now on the revamped HCTM website, which has a slick new look and all sorts of interactive features (the fan photos from past shows are especially nifty). And speaking of interactive…here’s a live video of them performing the Cryptic track “Everything But” that was made using the French website Evergig.com, which splices together fan-shot videos into a seamless concert clip. Pretty high-tech for a bunch of dudes who’ve been dead for five thousand years.

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Primus: Back on the road. Still in 3D.

Primus

Quick, what do Primus and The Hobbit have in common? If you answered, “they can both test audiences’ patience”…well, technically, you’re right, but that’s not the answer we were going for. No, they’re both in 3D, dude! Apparently last fall’s “Primus in 3D” tour was so successful, they’re bringing it back. Turns out Primus fans really love watching hallucinatory visuals that seem to distort space and time itself. Who’da thunk?

Anyway, here’s where Primus will be laying down the 3D jams this year. Except in places marked by an asterisk. You’ll have to settle for the low-tech, 2D version.

5/9 – Bottle Rock Festival – Napa, CA *
5/10 – Eureka Municipal Auditorium – Eureka, CA
5/12 – Revolution Center – Boise, ID
5/13 – Wilma Theater – Missoula, MT
5/14 – Shrine Auditorium – Billings, MT
5/16 – City Auditorium – Colorado Springs, CO
5/17 – Santa Fe Community Convention – Santa Fe, NM
5/18 – Rialto Theatre – Tucson, AZ
5/19 – Fox Theater – Pomona, CA
5/21 – Majestic Ventura Theater – Ventura, CA
5/22 – Fox Theater – Bakersfield, CA
5/24 – Cuthbert Amphitheater – Eugene, OR
5/25 – Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall – Portland, OR
5/26 – Sasquatch Music Festival – Quincy, WA
5/28 – Northern Alberta Jubilee Auditorium – Edmonton, AB
5/29 – McEwan Hall – Calgary, AB
5/31 – Burton Cummings Theatre – Winnipeg, MB
6/1 – Myth – Maplewood, MN
6/2 – Riviera Theater – Chicago, IL
6/6 – Mountain Jam Festival – Hunter, NY *
6/7-8 – Danforth Music Hall – Toronto, ON
6/9 – Niagara River Rocks – North Tonawanda, NY *

* – Not 3D show

In other Primus news: Remember that $5,000 video contest we told you about? Well, either you all suck and no one won, or the band is really taking their sweet time picking a winner. The contest supposedly ended Dec. 15 but as far as we can tell, there have been zero updates since. Could no one contain the awesomeness of “HOINFODAMAN” in a single, low-budget video? Where are Your Fuzzy Friends when you need them?

Here Come the Mummies just hit their Kickstarter goal. You’re off the hook this time, cheapskates.

HCTM

We’ve asked you, our soft-touch readers, to help out many a weird band via Kickstarter in the past. But this time around, we don’t need to ask. Yes, in just 12 days, Here Come the Mummies have already hit their Kickstarter fundraising goal of $50,069. So everything else from here on out is gravy—but hey, if you wanna give a bunch of horndog Mummies some gravy, be our guest.

All that coin is gonna help fund the release and promotion of Cryptic, the Mummies’ latest and greatest funk bomb of a studio album. It’s due out sometime in May and, as is usually the case, Kickstarter backers get first crack at it. Track titles include “Chaperone,” “Petting Zoo” and “You Know the Drill,” so we can safely assume HCTM have still not exhausted all the endless possibilities of their favorite topic, bumpin’ uglies. (And since these guys have been dead for 4,000 years, the emphasis is definitely on “ugly.”)

Click here to read more about Cryptic and watch one of those cute little Kickstarter videos; this one features the Mummies demonstrating how totally unqualified they are to hold down any kind of day job. We know the feeling, guys! Which is why I’m not sure Jake and I will be pledging anything this time around—although the custom voicemail greeting at $75 is mighty tempting.

Let’s play this post out with some live Mummies. If that’s not a contradiction in terms.

You could win the Primus video contest and $5,000. Maybe. Stranger things have happened.

Hey, Primus fans! Put down the Dorito Loco Taco and listen up. This is important. Primus is asking fans to shoot the video for their next single, the annoyingly all-caps “HOINFODAMAN.” Maker of the best video wins five thousand bones and a place in music video history alongside such classic clips as “My Name Is Mud” and “Wynona’s Big Brown Beaver.” Your video probably doesn’t have to be that good…so long as it’s better than “Tragedy’s A’Comin,” you probably have a shot.

“HOINFODAMAN” is three minutes of pure Primus weirdness, including references to foot-long sandwiches and juicy burgers…so if you wanna get all literal on us, you could just film your friends pigging out on fast food. (Are you reading this, Zayde Buti?) We suspect something a little more creative is in order, however.

Hit up Primus’ website for more details on the contest (including the all-important video specs) or keep it here to enjoy the stoner-funk strains of “HOINFODAMAN.” And to all you budding would-be Finchers and Scorseses: Best of luck. We really hope one of you is this guy.

Weird Live Review: Here Come the Mummies

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I don’t mind telling you, it was with some trepidation that I went out to see Here Come the Mummies last Thursday night. And not just because they were playing at the House of Blues on the Sunset Strip, which is easily my least favorite part of Los Angeles. The strip used to be sleazy/cool, still hungover from its hair metal heyday. Now it’s sleazy/lame, filled with marauding gangs of douchebags in Ed Hardy shirts and semi-homeless ex-reality TV stars chain smoking outside SkyBar. They’ve really let the place go.

No, the main reason I was afraid to see Here Come the Mummies was because, frankly, I feared they might suck. Songs like “Freak Flag” and “Everlasting Party” are fun the first couple times you hear them, but it’s hard to shake the feeling that underneath the bandages and facepaint lurks a group of dudes who aren’t too far removed from playing “Brick House” at weddings in rented tuxes.

Well, I needn’t have worried. Though there’s a definite layer of cheese to the Mummies, and their fans mostly have less hair than actual mummies (seriously, usually when you see that many middle-aged white people in Los Angeles in one place, someone’s handing out Emmys), they are great musicians and their show was tighter than, well, mummy skin. Four songs in and I was sold. Eleven songs in, when they broke out a track called “Booty,” and the chubby tenor sax player with the dreads starting busting out some serious hip-thrusting dance moves, I was awkwardly hip-thrusting with all the other middle-aged white folks.

The photos pretty much speak for themselves, but I’ll note a few details that my crappy iPhone camera wasn’t quite able to capture. They entered conga-line-style through the audience. Their percussionist, Java, broke out everything from a tricycle to the infamous Cowbelt to get the crowd involved. There were synchronized dance moves, jackal statues with red LED eyes, a keytar solo or two, and an audience participation dance called the “Fenk Shui.” (And yes, I participated. Trust me, you would’ve, too.) Oh, and their horn section killed. Even the obligatory flute solo had soul.

So I’m sorry I ever doubted you, Mummies! You are indeed the funkiest undead band in the land. Now can you send a plague of locusts or something to get rid of all the Ed Hardy tools taking up valuable sidewalk space on Sunset?

By the way, here are the rest of HCTM’s tour dates. If you live anywhere in the middle part of the country, you should really go see them. They will make you awkwardly hip-thrust with wild, gleeful abandon.

Mummies for nothing: Get a free album download from Here Come the Mummies

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You gotta set the funk free, don’t you? If that’s not a P-Funk lyric, it should be. With that in mind, undead funketeers Here Come the Mummies are making their latest album, Bed, Bath & Behind, free for a limited time (today and tomorrow only) via NoiseTrade. So get downloadin’ and savor the sweet, funky sounds of freedom. And be sure to leave a tip—which I guess technically means the album ain’t free any more, but tipping sounds more fun than paying, doesn’t it? Just imagine you’re sticking a few bucks in the Mummies’ Cowbelts.

In other HCTM news: The Bandaged Boys are gearing up for their latest U.S. tour, and Andy and I plan to be on hand for their L.A. show to shake a leg and give you, dear readers, a full report. Well, Andy will give you a report; I’ll probably be stumbling down Sunset Blvd. looking for a cab and wondering where my pants went. That bastard always ditches me after the 10th Jäger bomb.

I’ll play this post out with a live rendition of “That’s What She Said,” one of the many tasty morsels on that free album you should be downloading already. Enjoy.

Primus: Now in 3D

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Well, lookee here, campers. It says right here that the latest Primus tour is gonna be in 3D! That’s great, because that last tour where they just stuck cardboard cutouts of Les, Larry and Jay onstage was kinda bullshit.

No, but seriously: Primus’s fall tour dates will be “3D-enhanced,” creating what their latest press release promises will be a “one-of-a-kind psychedelic experience.” (Your mileage may vary, depending on the potency of those shrooms you saved from Bonnaroo.) We’re not sure if that means any 2Pac hologram cameos or what, but knowing these wacky fellows, anything’s possible. Oh, and the shows will also feature Quad Surround Sound. Dude! It’ll be as if Les’s bass strings are slapping against the inside of your skull.

Primus Tour Dates:
Oct. 12 – Poughkeepsie, NY – Mid Hudson Civic Center
Oct. 13 – Burlington, VT – Memorial Auditorium
Oct. 15 – Washington, DC – The Fillmore
Oct. 16 – Wilkes Barre, PA – Kirby Center
Oct. 17 – Philadelphia, PA – Tower Theater
Oct. 19 – New York NY – Hammerstein
Oct. 20 – Boston, MA – Orpheum Theater
Oct. 21 – Providence, RI – Veterans Memorial Auditorium
Oct. 23 – Niagra Falls, NY – Rapids Theater
Oct. 24 – Detroit, MI – Fillmore
Oct. 26 – Asheville, NC – Moogfest
Oct. 27 – Indianapolis, IN – Murat Theater
Oct. 28 – St Louis, MO – Peabody Opera House
Oct. 30 – Cincinnati, OH – Taft Theater
Oct. 31 – Atlanta, GA – The Tabernacle
Nov. 2 – Kansas City, MO – Uptown
Nov. 3 – Denver, CO – The Fillmore
Nov. 4 – Wichita, KS – Cotillion Ballroom
Nov. 5 – Dallas, TX – McFarlin
Nov. 7 – Austin, TX – Bass Hall
Nov. 9 – Orlando, FL – Hard Rock
Nov. 10 – Miami, FL – Fillmore

We’ll play this post out with Primus’s new-ish video for “Lee Van Cleef,” which premiered on Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco website back in May. Apparently we’re kinda out of it when it comes to Primus news. I blame the shrooms.