Hey, remember that band of douchebags who shut down an L.A. freeway during rush hour? They just got fined $39,000. Party!

imperial-stars

Usually I’m all for trying to Stick It to The Man. But when you stick it to my morning commute, I hope The Man stomps on your neck with his big shiny Man-Boots. So I was delighted to learn this morning that Imperial Stars, the band of d-bag rap-rockers whose only claim to fame is shutting down the 101 freeway here in Los Angeles to perform their single “Traffic Jam 101” for a bunch of fucked L.A. commuters, just got ordered to pay a $39,000 fine for their little publicity stunt. Thirty-nine grand! That’s a lot of Ed Hardy shirts, huh, guys?

Apparently the Imperial boys also had to plead guilty to a felony charge of conspiracy and perform 35 days of community service. I didn’t know parking a truck sideways on a freeway counted as a conspiracy, but I guess it does take some planning, especially when you’re a bunch of fucking morons.

I can’t bring myself to embed the video for “Traffic Jam 101,” but if you must, you can watch it here.

We look forward to mocking your “Help Us Pay Our Legal Bills” Kickstarter soon, guys.

Advertisements

Whoop! Whoop! Gathering of the Juggalos tickets now on sale

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

(Note: This is in fact an old story. But go here for some more recent ICP news. And go here for tickets to this year’s GOTJ. You’re welcome.)

Break out the hallucinogenics and the black-and-white facepaint, motherfuckers. Tickets for the 13th annual Gathering of the Juggalos went on sale this weekend.

For those of y’all not familiar: The Gathering of the Juggalos is sort of the white trash, Midwestern answer to Burning Man, only with less hippie pretentiousness and more illegal fireworks, bad hip-hop and tit-flashing. Founded and hosted by clown-paint horrorcore rappers Insane Clown Posse, The Gathering takes place in a lawless corner of rural Illinois called Cave-in-Rock. Tickets will set you back $175 apiece, with additional fees for RV and car camping—which you will almost certainly want to do, because really, are you just gonna leave all your shit in a tent when you’re camped next to these people? They will smell the drugs stashed at the bottom of your knapsack the way a hungry grizzly smells a cooler full of hamburger patties.

The lineup for this year’s Gathering has yet to be announced, but that’s sorta beside point. The real point of the Gathering, as documented in the awesome short film “American Juggalo,” is to get fucked up with your fellow Juggalos and yell “Whoop whoop!” a lot. That being said, you can actually vote on who you’d like to see at the Gathering on the ICP website. Results of the poll guarantee absolutely nothing (i.e. you’re probably gonna wind up seeing Twiztid and Kottonmouth Kings again), but it’s fun to see who your fellow Juggalos are voting for. I’m probably not going, but I voted for Limp Bizkit, Naz (sic), Morris Day and Motley Crue anyway—the last three because they’re awesome, and Limp Bizkit just to be a dick.

This year’s Gathering of the Juggalos takes place Aug. 8-12 in Cave-in-Rock, Illinois. You can order tickets here (installment plan coming soon for all you broke-ass ninjas). Conveniently, ICP’s next album, The Mighty Death Pop, comes out just two days later on Aug. 14. Wonder if they’ll hype the shit out of it all week?

Imperial Stars

First off: our sincerest apologies for not posting any new content in so long. We’ve been slacking, clearly. Also, we’ve been stuck in traffic. And that part is totally the fault of these guys.

See, earlier this week, a bunch of douchebags from Orange County calling themselves Imperial Stars thought it would be cool if they promoted their new single, “Traffic Jam 101,” by…get this…causing a traffic jam! On the fucking 101 freeway! Genius, no?

To achieve this totally awesome end, the group drove a big-ass van down the 101 freeway in Hollywood during Tuesday rush hour (okay, it was 10:30 am, but this is LA, people…it’s always rush hour), then parked it sideways across three lanes of traffic, climbed on top, and started performing a little impromptu concert for all the poor suckers running late to their auditions and yoga classes. Concert ended when the cops showed up and arrested all three guys for disturbing the peace and unlawful assembly, but a really lame-ass hip-hop band from the O.C. that no one had ever heard of was all over the evening news, so hey…mission accomplished, I guess. No such thing as bad publicity and all that.

Now, obviously, one crass but effective publicity stunt does not a weird band make, so you’re probably wondering why we’re wasting precious bandwidth on these clowns. Well, there’s a few reasons. First off, there’s the band’s publicity materials, which seriously read like they were run through one of those programs that translates text into, I dunno, Slovenian or some shit, then back into English. Here’s a brief sample, from the band’s Facebook page:

“Dynamic synthesizers, authoritative drum patterns and mainstay power vocals that remind even the average ear of greatness, The Imperial Stars pierced themselves into the heart of music history…Vocalist Paul Arabella exhales igneous verse that bridge chorus potential into hit records…Imbedded into the culture of hip hop from the ages of adolescence, big Paul reinvented himself in content and persona that parallels elevated status.”

Second, there’s the band’s actual music, which almost makes the press materials seem coherent by comparison. At some point in “Traffic Jam 101,” the aforementioned Paul Arabella (who kinda looks like Andy Samberg in O.C. hip-hop drag) drops igneous verses like, “In the traffic jam, bumper to bumper/Heat for your winter, cool for your summer.” And head Imperial Christopher Wright says he “play my music for the children of the stars.” Dude, did the “children of the stars” tell you to ruin the morning of thousands of strangers?

Last but not least, there’s the alleged reason Imperial Stars decided to risk arrest so they could subject Hollywood commuters to their crappy song. They did it for the children.

“We were thinking we needed to do something big to grab the attention of the American people to this cause of the 1.5 million homeless children,” guitarist Keith Yackey told a local radio station the day after the stunt. The group claims it will donate 50% of all proceeds from sale of the “Traffic Jam 101” single to help homeless youth.

If this is whole thing is some kind of weird Die Antwoord style meta-joke, it’s kinda brilliant. But if Imperial Stars—who, by the way, used to make incredibly derivative faux-gangsta rap under the name Imperial Assassins—are trying to be serious…and I think they are…well, then, wow. Just wow.

Links:

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

Insane Clown Posse

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

Let’s be straight up on this one. We would’ve blogged about ICP a long time ago, but we never got around to it because, frankly, we thought they sucked. Some third-rate Beastie Boys wannabes wearing KISS makeup and rapping about serial killers? No thanks. Oh, wait, they spray their audiences with shitty midwestern soda pop? Nope, still not buying it.

But this past weekend, something kind of awesome happened: Insane Clown Posse’s fans, the Juggalos (seriously, that’s what they call themselves…we’re not clever enough to make this shit up) drove Tila fucking Tequila off the stage under a hail of beer bottles, rocks, fire crackers and supposedly even a little human feces. And while we’re glad they didn’t, like, kill her or anything, we applaud the sentiment behind the attack, which seems to boil down to something like: If you are a talentless fame whore whose best move is to show the crowd your tits, we will take you down.

This incident, which has already been described ad naseum here, here, and also here, took place at the Gathering of the Juggalos, an annual ICP-led festival that’s been happening every year since 2000 and now pulls in some scary large number of fans—over 20,000, claims the festival’s Wikipedia page, which is a lot of beer bottles. Apparently, the Juggalos also threw shit at Method Man, which somewhat undermines our theory that the attack on Tila was actually a scathing critique of reality TV culture—unless they’re confused and thought that piece-of-shit sitcom Meth did with Redman a few years back was supposed to be real. Or maybe they’re just lashing out at all purveyors of crap television. Anyone know if Tom Green got his ass kicked at the Gathering, too?

Anyway, regardless of what we think of ICP’s music—or what ICP fans think of bisexual midgets named after alcoholic beverages—we have to give Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope props for doing whatever the hell it is they do for so long…20 years and counting, which is a helluva lot of Faygo (that’s the shitty midwestern soda pop they spray on their audiences—and believe us, they spray it like they own stock in it).

It’s tough to decide what the weirdest thing is about Insane Clown Posse. Is it their music, which we guess is called horrorcore, and sounds kinda like a cross between Korn, Kid Rock, Cypress Hill and Weird Al Yankovic (and you would think that would sound awesome, except it doesn’t)? Is it their fans, the Juggalos, who proudly flaunt their Faygo and clown makeup in all sorts of goofy homemade videos and endlessly debate what it means to be part of the “Juggalo family“? Is it the fact that they run their own wrestling league? Or their crazy, over the top Halloween shows, which almost put GWAR to shame? Maybe it’s just the fact that their ringleader is a fat white dude who wears clown makeup and calls himself Violent J. God knows we’ve stuck other bands on The Weird List for less.

Andy and I debated this one long and hard and finally came to this conclusion: Of all the crazy weird shit ICP is responsible for, nothing is weirder than the video they just released earlier this year for a song called “Miracles.” This really falls into the so-stupid-it’s-pure-genius category. Or maybe it’s the other way around. Be warned: It’ll shock your eyelids.

Links: